my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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