This is not my ceiling
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
