Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
