having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
