Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
