It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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