I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
oh god was she eating orange peels again
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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