why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
