i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
this just has baby written all over it
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
