I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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