guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
