peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
