he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
of course. lets lasso hookers.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
