Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
