I wish I could punch you in the face.
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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