A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
