Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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