i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
