I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
