he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
