btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
