Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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