I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
