He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
