grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
