rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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