what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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