No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
