I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
