Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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