This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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