And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
