He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Randomize
