the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
