Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
