So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
That accounts for only three of the penises
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
