Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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