Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I woke up under a house in Key West
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
