I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
