Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
