so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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