He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
