So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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