Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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