Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
