I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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