im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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