if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
