Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
