Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
