Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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