Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
