fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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